The Pain Game

I don’t know why some of the simplest things spark something in me to look at myself, but I am glad that it does. I am sure you may have likely heard this before, but the formula of getting over and through pain is something like this: [OP=IA+A+ (DxB)]. Overcoming pain equals=Initial Act (breakup/divorce/death) +Anger+ (Depression x Blame). As I am sitting thinking about a situation which made me initially upset I started to breakdown this process further.

The act IA (initial act) is first an event. Let’s stop right there. It is an event, and only an event. I know that is tough to get pass, but all pain has to be chosen by the individual. We have to decide to wear it as badge. Almost investing if you will in the idea that it belongs to us. The first key to overcoming anything that happens to us, is first understanding what is really happening and looking at fine tuning perception. For example, when it rains and you forget your umbrella do you say, “Man this is some __ ___,” or rather do you say, “Oh well a lil water ain’t gonna kill me.” Understanding this first part of the equation is vital, and saves all future issues, but really we all know that this is a skill set that most of us haven’t mastered just yet.

Now supposing we move into the second phase which is the addition of anger. Why are we angry? Usually it is because we feel wronged in some way. This phase ranges in duration due to the person’s experiences and overall assessment of the situation and understanding. This one usually doesn’t last long. However, another individual may hold this angry coupled with the grief they are dealing with from the IA sometimes for years if they have angry issues or hold grudges (you know yourself so not you but your neighbor..LOL). So if we understand the reason why we feel wronged and what stimulates that, than we should be able to diffuse the anger. (Just some food for thought on that note)

Generally speaking, at this point we come to the realization of two things: 1) we are responsible for whatever happens to us, and 2) we beat ourselves up or think something is wrong with us. These elements spell disaster for some of us if we don’t know how to effectively communicate with the man/woman in the mirror. If we can’t do that, wise counsel is usually the next best thing (friend, family, or paid professional even).

These steps add up to our own self internalizing pain game. Conquering this game is simple yet complex. So for our review we first, change our perception from the outset to not even let the pain venture in. Secondly, if it does realize why we feel the way we feel which is usually anger and try to self assess or either seek wise counsel to help make the way to internal peace easier. Next, understanding that we put ourselves in the situation is key but getting down about it or beating oneself up about is never a wise answer. A final addition is to inner and overstand that by holding grief is blocking our vision and reception to be able to see clearly our way out of any tough time or situation.

I hope this helps those who read it,

David Graham